Life goes on. That’s what they say, and of course it’s true, it goes on despite us, despite everything, despite the worst things, even when we don’t want it to, even when it feels wrong, all wrong. Life is, and even when I feel cast adrift, knowing life will never be the same again, things still manage to touch me, affect me, despite myself. There is something that still has a power to breakthrough, even at the hardest times, even when I want to not care, not act, something whispers at me, peers at me from under the covers, nudges me and keeps on and won’t stop.
This has become more and more apparent to me, as life has gone on, as each new turning point and milestone is touched. Each time the thing you thought you could never face, never survive , happens, and the world is forever altered, still there is something beyond it. Even through the pain, the disbelief and inability to comprehend the loss, the shift in life, this otherness hangs on, stubbornly , raggedly even, but still enduring, still defying, still fighting.
Coming round again, the cycles of a life, each life has it’s own turnings. I’m coming round again, a few more dark circles, more lines in my face, a few more million tears, another readjustment, but still there remains the hooks and roots, the stuff that won’t let me go, that is stronger than me and buried somewhere down deep. I am changed and yet still the same, as I ever was, only more refined, more intense, clearer; stuff falls away with each new challenge, the unimportant, the false, the inauthentic, the refining process, sifting out the distractions, the compromises, the stuff we let contaminate our vision. Waking up to the real, accepting what and who you are. Seeing the reasons you’re still here and why it matters. Shaking any pretence, any restraint, allowing myself to evolve with this process, even when it means going through painfully, moment by moment, letting the heart find its way, because it speaks, it knows.
It would be easy to give in, just give up, the world is a hard place, growing harder by the day, full of wrongness, full of injustice and horror of every kind, full of destruction, corruption, self-interest, manipulation and control and at times when you are hurting, even more than usual, it would be easy to just think why bother, what’s the point?? You could choose to turn away, to not know, to ignore everything but I can’t live like that, something won’t let me. It’s hard but the questions keep coming and the wondering about the world; life, freedom, meaning, what it means to be here, to exist, to be in this life at this particular time; why there is so much evil in the world, why it has all gone wrong, why bad things happen to innocents, what I can do, if anything, to make a difference, what truly matters. And of course you could go mad thinking about it all but still there is a part of me that will not relent completely. Even though I can’t change these things and it hurts like hell knowing about them all, even though life is unfair and full of suffering, to the point of raging frustration, I still need to know and ask why, and challenge, and express how I feel about it all. To me, life is not just about myself, I am part of everything, we are all part of everything and everything we do affects the world in some way, however small, we are ripples in a vast ocean of being.
We all love and lose and hurt. Life is tough, but there is always something to carry on for, something to make being part of all this chaos endurable. I fail a lot of the time, I am challenged constantly and I struggle and the frustration is intense, but you can only try, only survive the best way you can and keep on keeping on, even when the nightmare things happen, because the world is full of nightmares and there are always more to come, but the more you face the less scared you get. And the good things mean more and the dark stuff shows you that the good stuff isn’t always what you thought it was. You learn ways to survive by finding things you cannot lose. Your life is your own but are part of everything . Sometimes it can all be overwhelming but you just keep breathing, raging, loving, searching, questioning, challenging, connecting, expressing, because life goes on, even when it stops.
outsidersinsides 
I have just reread this poem and find myself with that tiny squirrel, sharing the moment in the fellowship of flora and fauna and planet. Another Spring looms before another approaching Summer. Your poetry realizes the timeless presence of the unspeakable tragedies that must accompany optimism and survival — its sadness and joy be with us always. You have chosen fine metaphors for fortunate readers who have happened here at the shore, as life goes on.
Thanks for bothering to leave yet another lovely comment. I do take notice, even when I’m ‘not here.’ I never thanked you for mentioning my blog- I was inspired and touched by that. I’ve been going through some tough times, I know we all have one way or another, but this ‘meeting place’ is a source of comfort, strength and inspiration to me, it roots me, I keep coming back to connect. You always leave such elegant, wise and thoughtful comments, I love reading them and appreciate them more than you know.
I thank you from the heart for the compliments to my comment. When you speak up for the fellow souls who are brutally exploited, down to the last molecule even, you are viewed as odd, even threatening.
Among the works that have influenced me unexpectedly is “The Country of the Blind” by H.G. Wells. I highly recommend it to anyone singled out as recognizing things that the vast majority keeps at bay at all cost.
It is my privilege to encounter your writings on WordPress and it is equally my privilege to find fellow souls who find my writings significant. You’re always your most severe critic when you seek a better and gentler lifestyle, but it’s important stuff that also provides each of us comfort, strength and inspiration.
Tough times really can become unimaginable treasures down the road. I have been through some pretty wild jolts over many decades, but it comforts me to look back at them — as it seems I am bringing to my blog.
Lovely hog-hugs to all the gentle and resolute humans who care deeply 🙂
Thank you for such a thoughtful response. You are a very kind soul and I appreciate your words so very much and your experiences inspire and teach. I get a lot from your words, I mean that.
I know everything we go through has something to teach us but it can be tough at the time!! Thanks for the H.G Wells recommendation, that sounds so interesting, I will definitely search it out.
Thanks for taking the time to say something so meanIngful and comforting,it is much appreciated! I too appreciate our ‘tribe’ on here, so very much, it has made such a difference to me, it is a great connection that I need very much.
Thanks for writing, caring and sharing your knowledge and compassion.
Beautifully said. Perfect photo.
Thank you so much and thanks for reading. That photo was pure chance and it still makes me smile and it seemed to fit somehow.